Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
