If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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