He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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