Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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