I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
