I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
