you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
