Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
