Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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