I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
