fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
