halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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