Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
