the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
