Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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