You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
