By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am one with the molecules
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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