I wish I could punch you in the face.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
