Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
