I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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