Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
