I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
