i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
