so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize