I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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