You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
