If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
