Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
