My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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