After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize