Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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