I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
