you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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