Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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