This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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