I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
