the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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