You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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