I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
