I need help removing her.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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