You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
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