moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
