apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
