I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
