My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
