I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize