That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
