it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
