I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
