return my video game
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
