Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
