Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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