haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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