I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
