Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
