No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
