dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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