Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
