apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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