In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
