I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
