I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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