Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
