Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
