They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
