The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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