You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize