He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
