TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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