I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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