He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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